Answers from the ‘Heart of the Matter’ Relationship Tarot Reading
Over the weekend a lovely lady contacted me via the Aquarian Insight page on Facebook enquiring if I could help her to understand a reading she had conducted with the ‘Heart of the Matter’ Relationship Tarot Reading spread. Her question was “Will My Lover Return to Me?” and I felt that there may be others asking the same question and wanted to write a post about it. She very kindly agreed to me posting my response to her query here.
The Question
“What” and “How” are better than “Will” and “When”
I know I have said this many times before, but I feel it bears repeating: avoid asking questions that require a ‘Yes/No’ answer when consulting the tarot. A well-worded question makes understanding a reading so much easier. The lady who contacted me did explain that she kept the question as basic as possible so she could concentrate on it better, and her reasoning is sound. I would recommend that a better way to phrase the question “Will my lover return to me?” would be to use one of these examples:
- “What obstacles are there for my lover returning to me?”
- “How can I understand the situation with my lover better?”
- “What can I do to improve the situation with my lover?”
The general rule is that beginning your question with “What” or “How” is a better way of posing the question than “Will” or “When”.
‘Heart of the Matter’ Relationship Tarot Reading Response
The ‘Heart of the Matter’ Relationship tarot spread is a great choice for a question like this. I would also recommend the Free Couple’s Relationship Tarot Reading as that looks at the dynamics of the people in a relationship more closely.
The cards that this lady pulled were as follows:
- The Root of the Relationship Situation: 9 of cups
- Past Connection: 9 of Pentacles
- Present Connection: 2 of Pentacles
- Hidden Factors/Obstacles: 9 of Swords
- The Lesson to Learn from Each Other: 7 of Wands
- The Conclusion if Things Remain Unchanged: Page of Swords
I’ll give my take on what I think the reading is saying, but I would like to say that I don’t take any responsibility for a reading I have not conducted myself from beginning to end and I would not do a reading with the question posed as it was. This is just my general advice, and hopefully the way I work through it will help anyone working on their own reading.
1. The Root of the Relationship Situation: 9 of cups
The root card basically tells us the foundation of the situation asked about. This can sometimes refer to how that situation came about or even why the question is being asked. For a relationship question such as “Will my lover return?” I have found that the card in this placement usually shows the emotional connection at the root of the relationship. This is also the card that guides us through the rest of the reading.
The 9 of Cups is the ‘Wish card’ which generally suggests feelings of happiness and contentment. It also comes with a heavy dose of “be careful what you wish for”. For example, if you find yourself with a partner who won’t commit, was there are a time in your past when you were looking for a relationship that was light and easy, and so you have been given what you wanted? But now is it your wish that has changed? A more superficial and lighter interpretation of this card in this position could be that your question (the return of your lover) is what you wish for more than anything else.
2. Past Connection: 9 of Pentacles
The card in this placement will show us an aspect of the connection between you and your partner in the past and this is in the context of your question. It is important to understand where we have been to see where we are and where we are headed.
The 9 of Pentacles is very easy to understand in the context of a finance or career reading, but it can be harder to interpret in a relationship reading. The main emotion behind the card is that of contentment and achievement. It may be that the physical and emotional connection you forged with your lover seemed like a natural progression from how you connected before that, and so it felt very grounded and left you feeling content. There was probably also a measure of security in the way things were. Maybe that is how you wanted things to remain, but now your lover wants something different or vice versa. As you can see, I don’t go along the financial route of this card meaning. It could be that there is a financial connection between you and your lover, but unless you work together or have financial dealings together, that is not going to be what this card refers to, especially if we use the root card as a guide.
3. Present Connection: 2 of Pentacles
Like the previous card, this one also refers to the connection, but it looks at the present and not the past. So first we look at the meaning of the card and then relate that to how the situation has changed from the previous card.
The 2 of Pentacles here refers to the balance within the relationship. Where you once were both on the same page and wanted the same thing, it again seems to be that this no longer seems to be the case. Maybe other commitments have caused this or again what both of you want from your connection has changed. This card in this position does have a ‘make or break’ feel to it. Either addressing your differences and bringing some balance (through compromise or talk etc) will make the relationship stronger, or the differences will become insurmountable. When the 2 of Pentacles appears in an emotional context, it underlines what I have been saying about one person wanting more than the other. It may be that that one half of a couple is not taking the others needs/wants into consideration and that they don’t really want a relationship with more substance.
4. Hidden Factors/Obstacles: 9 of Swords
This position, as the name suggests, looks at the underlying issues which may not be apparent even when you are analysing what is happening in your relationship. The 9 of Swords is a very obvious card, in that if you are feeling the emotions it signifies, there would be no doubt about it. So there must be more going on here.
So, the obvious part of the 9 of Swords is that it signifies emotions like depression, restlessness and even sleeplessness. What are the hidden factors causing these emotions? Has the relationship become so issue-riddled that it is causing a lot of stress? I have often also seen this card come up in a relationship reading when there are concerns about what others will think; this can be being judged by society in general or what friends and family will think.
The 9 of Swords is seen as a very dark and negative card, but one thing I will say is that when it shows up in a reading I am always quick to say things are NOT as bad as they seem. Yes, there is definitely a lot going on in this relationship which has meant that the issues are more at the forefront than any of the positive emotions. However, I would urge you to try and revisit the good aspects of the relationship. This does not mean you ignore everything that is wrong; instead, remember why you want your lover and then try to get back to that. When we are in this kind of place, it can seem so hard, and I know because I have been there myself. On the one hand there are the things that are wrong, and on the other, there are the things that are great. It can feel like to keep the good part, we have to ignore the issues and by doing that not be true to our own needs and wants. But to tackle the issues, we may lose the good part. In some cases this may be true, but not always.
5. The Lesson to Learn from Each Other: 7 of Wands
This is a very important card, because I believe that the people we attract and interact with in our lives are there for a reason. They fulfil some desire or need and there is always an underlying aspect to who we choose/why we are chosen. Even if we find ourselves in a relationship with the most obnoxious person ever, they teach us something about who we are and what we want. In this reading, this card is even more important because it can help to shed light on how you can balance out the differences that are affecting the relationship.
The 7 of Wands is often seen as a testing card; there is a reason it comes up when one is facing tests, exams or working towards a promotion. The main emotion behind it is fighting for what you want. You may have obstacles coming at you from every side, but you still fight and there is nothing to show that you will not succeed. So in the context of this reading, I would say firstly, do you believe that this relationship is worth fighting for? If the answer is yes, then you must next plan what you will do. It may be that for whatever reason, you are not comfortable in putting yourself out there and stating what you want and let’s face it, so many of us are that way. Nobody wants to feel vulnerable by exposing how they are truly feeling to someone who may not feel the same way. You will deal with what happens to you, but this card is saying what are you doing to get what you want? What it comes down to is that if this relationship is important, you must fight for it. If you want your lover to return, you must at least try to go and get him.
6. The Conclusion if Things Remain Unchanged: Page of Swords
In Understanding the Pages of the Tarot I wrote:
“The Page of Swords is one of my favourite court cards, probably because it shows what I was like as a child (and even now sometimes if I’m honest), so I can really relate. The sword court cards are all great thinkers and very intelligent. They have it in them to fight for their beliefs and their ideas, hence the swords. Children naturally lack inhibition; if they think it, they say it. We learn the sense of tact and caution as to what we say when we start to realise that our words can have repercussions. So, either it is time for the client to be bold and step forward and say what needs to be said, or they need to exercise some tact and caution. I’ve often seen the Page of Swords when clients really want something (a love interest or promotion for example) and they have been pushing and pushing and fighting. The message is often for them to take a step back, count to ten before saying whatever they’re planning to say or just reassess the situation before continuing.”
The position is ‘The Conclusion if Things Remain Unchanged’ but I feel the Page of Swords is a manifestation of the fact that you cannot leave things as the way that they are. If the 7 of Wands had not shown up prior to this I may have suggested that you are pushing too hard and need to show some tact or caution. Instead, I think that you are being urged to be bold. Other than the first card, the 9 of Cups, there has been a distinct lack of any other Cups cards. There are issues here that need to be resolved, and I feel some sort of bold action is required in order to do that.
It is also interesting to note that you have three nines in your reading. This usually would indicate a sense of coming to the end of a cycle in life. It probably means that no matter what happens next, the relationship is going to change. These cards are also believed by some to indicate correspondence, so it may be worth thinking about writing to your lover. If there is a probably with heated conversation and arguments, something writing out our feelings in a letter can help to diffuse these. My only advice here would be to stick to saying how you feel and not make accusations or recriminations. The letter is just a way to get your message across and open up a channel for further discussion.
OK, so this piece is actually twice the length I intended it to be and I apologise for that, but I do hope it helped in some way! I know the question was posed requiring some sort of ‘Yes or No’ response, and the reading did not provide one, but I think it very specifically pointed at the factors connected to the return of the lover. If you want to look at these or any other factors in more detail, I would recommend the Celtic Cross reading as it breaks everything down even further.