It’s about 24hrs since the solar eclipse in Aquarius and I wanted to share some of my thoughts about my eclipse season experience. I’ve said it before and no doubt I’ll say it again, but readers, psychics, astrologers, spiritual advisors etc all go through the same energies that everyone else does. I don’t feel it serves anyone to pretend that we’re always put together, in a Zen state, cruising through muttering a mantra. Maybe there are some out there who do. I am not one of them. I don’t see this as a weakness or a detriment to the work that I do. On the contrary, I can relate to my clients because I too feel the same ups and downs that they do. The only difference is that over two decades of reading for countless clients and four decades of life have given me tools and a unique perspective to help aid me in my growth and spiritual journey. The day I stop feeling, is the day I stop growing, and life may as well be over. So, I write this, not to tell you what to do, but to share part of my story, my path with you. No-one, absolutely no-one on this Earth has the right to tell you what you ‘should’ do. All they can say is “Hey, this is what I do”. You must find the parts of the story that resonate with you and direct your path accordingly. As I tell all my clients, never give up your power, not to a reader, a reading or even a well-meaning loved one. You have your own connection to the divine and, believe it or not, your own divine guidance that is streaming to you live and direct 24/7. But that’s a story for another day. Back to my eclipse season…
I want to say that the build up to the eclipse has been intense, but that does little to convey what I truly went through. Saturn entered Capricorn and I thought it would be a slow build, but it hit almost immediately, and hit me in a place that was guaranteed to get my attention – my health. Just before Christmas I had symptoms resurface that I have not experienced for years, as I have largely been managing my chronic illness really well. But there it was, and the first place I went to was fear. Now, I have a reputation for being a bit of a fear junkie – I learned a long time ago that comfort zones are the greatest inhibitors of growth. If it frightens me, I usually charge head long towards it and what I’ve learned from doing this is that it’s mostly the idea of doing something that is frightening. Action is always rewarding. However, just before Christmas, I was left wondering if I had ever even really felt any fear compared to that immediate and strong, visceral reaction to my latest health dilemma. This, ladies and gentleman, is what can happen when you have a 12th house transit – fears are revealed. I thought I had been prepared – 2nd house and 12th house issues, money, value blah, blah. Even when you’re in the know, you know nothing. I had a 48hr freak out (I’m an Aquarian Sun, this mostly involves just going quiet) and then I knew there was a reason for this and I was on a mission to solve the puzzle of this next step in my growth and evolution.
Now, dear reader, no doubt you’re reading this and thinking “I thought this was about the eclipse?” I’m getting there, I promise. See, I ramble even when I write. The first thing I did was get myself checked out by my doctor. But for me the problem wasn’t my health. It was my reaction, the fear. Any emotion that is triggered in me is always about me and never about what triggered it. I had been far more ill before, and never felt that kind of fear. Something was wrong and it wasn’t the symptoms. The symptoms themselves were a symptom of something else. This is what so many of us have been experiencing since the end of last year – the deep and profound realisation that things are just not right in our lives. Be it our relationships, career, home, whatever. This is a gift, believe me, it is a gift. I had been planning all the ways I was going to grow my business and be more productive when Saturn hit Capricorn. I had started to do what I always advise not to do – I was focusing on the external. So, my health issues were really a great way to get me to focus on myself. This is where we get back to the eclipse.
For me, going by my Sun in Aquarius (and I do believe that the majority of our day to day experience of life comes from our sun sign, while the larger direction of our life is influenced by the rising sign) the lunar eclipse on 31st January was in my 7th house of Leo. I swear, the whole build up to that eclipse was about relationships. I’m single, so I don’t mean romance, which is what most people automatically think of when anyone says relationships. No, I mean relationships. Now, much of this was influenced by other factors (Jupiter in my 10th for example) but this isn’t about the transits. January, for me, was a time of profound loneliness. I have a family who love and support me, friends who love and accept me exactly as I am, which believe me, is huge as I’m not an easy person to be around. I have people who love and support me through my channel and the work that I do online. But I was lonely. Now, I know that if I’m lonely it isn’t because of what anyone in my life is doing/not doing for me. It’s because I’m in a place where I’m not connecting with the people in my life. So, that was the rabbit hole that I dove into first.
I realised I was questioning everything. My relationships, the work that I do and the very meaning I derive from my life. The time and energy I was giving to people in my life became a key issue. I’ve never been a girl who dates very much. For me, I have to meet someone who speaks to some part of me, rather than look for someone to fill the vacancy of boyfriend. But I even questioned this – did I want a boyfriend? I realised I had started to dread making videos, not for the tarot or the messages, but it just felt like I wasn’t being seen. Of course, that meant that I wasn’t showing what I wanted to show. I honestly don’t care what people think or say about me. Those people who express love to me do so because they see their own beauty reflected in me, and the same goes for those few who really have nothing pleasant to express. But when one reads the same disheartening messages month after month, it would be insane not to question “Am I actually helping anyone?” Believe it or not, the disheartening messages are not even the ones telling me what I should do to make my videos better. They’re the ones from people who are very sweet but completely disempowered by the tarot videos. They watch them not to expand their choices, but to be told what will happen.
So, here I was, looking at this mess and I realised the only way to fix it was to go within. The lunar eclipse helped a lot. It was the rock bottom I needed. I swear, I felt like that energy smashed me to the ground and out the other side. An Aries Sun friend messaged me to tell me how amazing she felt, and I could barely lift my head off the pillow to read her message. It just goes to show – the energies are like weather. Some people love the sun, while there are others like me who love to dance in the rain.
First, I fixed the relationships – I removed myself from situations and people that were truly not adding anything to my life. I have to be grateful for the health problems for this, and truly I am. I had limited health and energy, so the places and people I expended that on had to change and it did. I looked at my own needs and very clearly communicated what I could and could not do.
The boyfriend issue was easy – Hell to the NO did I want to go find a new boyfriend. I have love in my life. There is someone I love so very much and yes, I will never see him again, but right now, that person’s memory is more than anything anyone else has offered me in the last couple of years. One day that will change, and when it does, I’ll be crowing about my new boyfriend. But for now, I have love and the deep and profound gratitude that I am blessed to have met that someone special. Surrendering fully to this realisation was actually very liberating.
But the energy seemed to crank up more and more until the mid-point when the Moon was in Scorpio last week. After that, it seemed easier, especially as we came up to the solar eclipse yesterday. I truly felt the energy of this Aquarius season, and I will write more about that tomorrow. This was the clarity and the detachment that I needed. I realised I didn’t need to just express myself in the videos. I wasn’t responsible for the world – I could only be true to myself, my path and my truth. It was as I was writing up the blurb for the mid-monthly video post that I realised how much I missed writing. Here I am doing that once again.
This is what it’s about, my lovelies. I’ve written the above account to illustrate what I mean when I say there is no good or bad – there only is. Every breakdown will lead to a breakthrough, but only if you can face the fears and the pain and jump down the rabbit holes. For me, it’s like that quote by Winston Churchill “If you’re going through Hell, keep going” – I want to get out of there as soon as possible and not sit and dwell on how awful everything is, so I start shovelling the crap.
Now, a day after the eclipse, I feel so good, I can’t even tell you. In fact the last few days have been amazing. I feel at peace, my intuition feels more heightened than ever (I’ve done so many readings the last few days and they’ve been extremely clear and empowered), I am happy and I even managed to hit the treadmill today! These are the moments to savour and to enjoy, because soon it will be something else and then something else, because that is the nature of life.
People ask me all the time when the energies will get better or if the good times will last. Change is the only constant, my lovelies. But if the good times don’t last, why would the bad? Read what I wrote above, nothing actually changed in my environment to affect me, I was the one that was changed and thus everything changed. Whatever you’re doing in your life right now, wherever you may be and no matter what you have gained or lost, know that everything can and will change, because you can and will change. Sometimes we need help – I had so many wonderful conversations with some truly beautiful souls to help me puzzle out my rabbit holes, and sometimes, when the night is long and dark, we just need to believe that we will survive, no matter what, we will survive.
It hasn’t all been doom and gloom. Throughout this whole period I had so many great revelations. This was part of the problem – I know I’m meant to share them with people, but I had gotten so caught up in just thinking of myself making videos that I had forgotten there are other ways to connect and share. I was actually fully shown what a Twin Flame connection is, and this is something I will be writing about – be warned, most of you won’t like it, but do with it what you will, I’m just here to express. There is a lot more to come, but for now, this is it.
Why not drop me a comment below and let me know how your eclipse season was?
Love you so very much.